Bumby Box will Deliver Povi to Pre-Schooler in the Fall

From left to right: Jessica, Olivia, Lim, Povi and Gena. What an exciting partnership!

By Anna M.

We just launched our Kickstarter campaign and are delighted to have a wonderful partner to distribute Povi: Bumby Box. It's a super cool selection of toys, chosen by specialists, to bring educational play based activities every month by subscription. Povi will be included in the Bumby box for the pre-school age toy box, beginning in the fall.

Many synergies made this partnership happen. One of the intentions of Bumby's team, as Povi's mission, is to create a vibrant interaction in between parents and kids that may contribute for the emotional development. As Lim, creator of Povi says, "Is such a great honor to be picked by Bumby box, as they have so much expertise about toys".  Povi team is also very happy to partner with a company with strong values, such as being environment-friendly and connected to the improvement of society, through reinforcing the community.

Bumby box was founded last year in Oakland, California, by Gena Lindsay-Bourne and Jessica Boehme with the intention to make parents' life easier, bringing a solution for that time when it's quite challenging to pick the right toys and activities for the kids, transforming playtime in a fun and enriching experience. Povi fell into their very unique category of different and intriguing toy tuned with the emotional intelligence learning. As Gena says, "we are always open to new ways to approach story-telling, and Povi fulfills the role like puppets would, with a plus of engagement and interaction".

Bumpy box is very clear about its requirements: "Play based learning and cognitive development research always guide our choices when choosing activities and toys". "Povi brings parent and kids together and that is a great chance for them to work on building relationships -starting at home", says Jessica. "Research has shown that communication is fundamental to build strong foundations in children's development and supports self regulation", adds Gena.

As Gena explains, play based activities have been shown by researchers as a fundamental tool to strengthen critical thinking. She explains that open-ended stories, like the ones that Povi tells, are a good factor to help family bonds stronger so that they leave room for imagination and lots of conversations, so that parents can be aligned with what is really happening with their social emotional experiences.

Jessica notes that having the chance to discuss stories, may also help parents and kids to get access to something they wouldn't do normally, embracing social emotional learning in a fun way: "They can learn how to negotiate and be flexible.  Like empathy, the ability to compromise and find balance is something that we can share with early literacy. Kids can identify with Povi's storytelling and every day examples.  It's a great idea".

Gena adds that "hearing is learning", and that's yet another interesting feature that Povi brings with its age appropriate story packages. The many stories that Povi plays can be a bridge to learning opportunities.  For Jessica, Povi can be enjoyed by grown-ups and kids together, it's an cuddly plush toy with a concept; "I just think Povi is adorable with its big eyes! I can see it being part of a family tea party. But the most important fact is that Povi brings the possibility of parents and kids interacting and building memories together".

Support Povi! More about Povi's campaign here: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/povibuddy/povi-the-connected-storytelling-buddy

The awesome Bumby Box can be seen here: https://www.bumbybox.com

Technology Comes To the Jugglers (a.k.a Working Moms!) Rescue

* By Seow Lim*

It was 5:30pm. I was still in the conference room. It was getting late to pick up my kids. I excused myself, left,  and started to drive, dialing into the conference call. At 6pm, I picked up my son. I greeted him, and tried to get off the call so that I could talk to him. Finally, the call was done, I turned to look at my child, and asked: "How's was school?" He looked bored and said, "Ok".

Do you see yourself in this picture? As a busy high tech working mom of two boys, I constantly juggled family and work. I worked hard so that I could give my kids better lives, at the same time I encouraged them to work hard so they could achieve better academic success. I thought that was the ultimate and only goal.

Two years ago, my son's school counselor told me: "Your kid is really smart, but he is not happy." I had tried so hard to be the best parent. So had I done wrong? I started looking for the solution. I took time off from my high flying career. I made sure I was home at 3pm when the kids got back from school. I started reading all the best selling parenting books, and having more in-depth conversations with my children. I joined many parenting groups online to learn from other parents. I started the Emotional Intelligence for Kids group on Facebook and received much support and many ideas from parents like myself.

After much reflection, armed with all this information, I finally found my solution - parents like me need to connect more often and more thoughtfully with their kids. From this realization, was born Povi. A product that I hope will help me and other parents connect and communicate meaningfully with their children.  I built a team and we first launched the Povi Family Connect app - both on Google Play and App Store. This app sends one thoughtful question, fail to registered parents. Our questions are designed by our developmental psychologist and we soon signed up 1k beta users on our app.

After a few months I approached all our beta users for their feedback. The response was the questions are great but they lacked 'context'.  While analyzing the app data, we also found out that kids were answering the question very differently and in interesting directions. No  wonder parents were telling us that they are learning a lot more about their kids than they did before. From this feedback we knew our app was very useful, but to take it to the next level, we needed to solve the "context" issue. This context would help parents ask the question without having to come up with their own context or background. Context, we decided should be built around stories. Not just normal stories but real life stories that kids experience in their daily lives.

Further, with more feedback from parents and teachers, we decided to narrow down our focus to younger children because we want to build the habit of talking with parents about emotions, feelings and problem solving from the early preschool age.

And then, because Povi was going to be sharing real-life stories (something kids and parents loved in our focus groups) we came to the decision that he needed to be cuddly. Povi took the shape of a cuddly plush toy, perfect for a warm and cozy story and conversation session.

Designed to help parents raise happier, caring and confident children, Povi is an EI (emotional intelligence) content platform + app of crowd-sourced content with a huggable storytelling buddy as the delivery tool. In other words, Povi is a connected toy with a mission, for children ages 3-8. Povi shares short stories based on children's everyday situations then engages young listeners and their parents in a discussion on emotions and feelings.




Bootstrapping, we manufactured 20 prototypes and started the Traveling Povi program.

This is a program when we send Povi with 5 expert designed stories to the homes of interested parents for a week. We have the parents and kids test Povi and send us their feedback.

We already received great feedback from parents and kids who have tried out Povi. Some testimonials we received:

• Kids are very excited about listening Povis stories - don’t want to stop at one.
• Povi motivated children to talk about similar personal experiences.
• Parents appreciated that they learned something new about their kids lives and how their kids think through/process experiences.
• The story starter is the most effective as kids jump right into discussion and commentary.

Our biggest issue is that kids in this first round of trial are so possessive of Povi they are reluctant to let him travel! We now need to build more!! Our goal is to build the next 5000 Povis so that there will be enough Povis to go around, helping busy young families connect and communicate.

The team behind Povi is are up of seasoned software engineers, a designer, a journalist, marketing specialists, toy veterans, psychologists and counselors. They all joined me because they believe in Povi's mission to help parents raise happier, caring and confident kids. I want to be able to make Povi a reality. I want to be able to especially help busy working moms like myself - to make it easier for you to get into thoughtful conversations that touch the emotions and feelings of your children every day.

Please help me make Povi a reality. Support us on Kickstarter on May 24, 2016. http://www.povi.me/waitlist.html. Like us so that you can also share us with your friends.

Why robots are not always the solution

*By Seow Lim, entrepreneur, successful high tech executive with track records of building businesses, a mom of two boys*

Working mom challenges

The first step towards Povi came out of my life as a busy working mom with a demanding career. It seemed like I was always busy going quickly from one thing to the next and juggling my career with parenting. I always tried to pick up my kids from school each day and tried to switch gears from work issues to my kid lives when I met them. But it was not easy. The stresses of work and chores at home resulted in less than optimal connection with my kids on a daily basis. I was always there for them, encouraging them in their academics and extra-curricular activities but something was missing.

Fast forward two years

My parenting has changed. I have more conversations with my sons everyday. I look for ideas from their world to start meaningful conversations. A simple example, when I saw a child crying at the library, I told them this story: "I was at the library today and I saw a little girl crying. She was lost and looking for her mom. I went to help her. Luckily her mom was looking for her too. What would you do if you were this little girl?" After some contemplation, my older son replied, "I would be really scared too but I wouldn't cry."

Another time it was something I heard on the news:  "On the news today, I heard about this old man with Alzheimer who got lost, and somebody helped him find his way home. Have you helped anyone today?" My son younger replied "Yes! I helped my friends chase bees away by throwing the soccer ball at them."

The stories and scenarios are endless and we all know them. But previously, at the end of the day, when my brain was tired, practicing these open-ended, reflective conversations with my kids was not easy. Now in my avatar as a reformed tiger mom, they love sharing their feelings! They both do it so differently and it amazes me.  I was so happy when my usually reserved teenager said to me, "Mommy, you've changed. Before, you just asked me about my school work. Now you really let me do what I am interested in and support me in it."

My 8 year old boy is more direct. Everyday, he asks, "Mommy, could you talk to me when I am taking my shower?" and at bed time if I haven't started a conversation, he says "Mommy, do you have something you want to talk to me about?" or "Mommy, I have a secret to tell you today." It's at times like this that I know that the habit of thoughtful conversation with my kids for the last 2 years have worked.

Others helped me, I can help others too

As I was looking for a solution to help myself to be a better parent, I realize that many parents are facing the same issues. We are too busy with our jobs and our lives, we are not connecting enough with our kids emotionally. 

 

How Povi evolved

The journey of finding the right solution or version of Povi to address the problem facing busy parents and hyper digital kids has been quite an exploration. It has taken us two years of multiple iterations of concept, prototype and user testing. 

 

At first, I was looking for the solution to the 'symptom' of 'dis-engaged kids'

I went to Berkeley Innovation Lab, a club in University of California Berkeley that helps industry do design projects. That's where I met Wendy. For two semesters, together with eight talented students, we idea-ted a design of our prototype 1. 

The problem statement for prototype 1 was: Kids are spending too much time in front of screens. It is affecting their time management, vision and posture. Could we have a solution that encourages kids motivation to develop good habit for to protect their vision and posture. Prototype 1 contains an electronic pet with expression and a Bluetooth earpiece with sensors. 

When we started doing the user research, parents liked the cute little electronic pet, but they didn't like the earpiece because kids would not want to wear it. Parents also mentioned that screen time is affecting the social skills of their kids that they are most concerned about.

 

Without the earpiece, we had to use Computer vision to observe the child to monitor their habit in front of the screen. We idea-ted to our Prototype 2. We developed the design of Povi Learning Robot that learns about kids habits and interacts with the kids. Povi could encourage them to develop good posture habits. Povi teaches them self regulations and time management and get them to interleave physical activities with screen time. 

 

However, as we continued to collect feedback from parents, we discovered the following:

1. There are too many gadgets that kids already have today. They are not looking for another gadget to interact with their kids.

2. The target price point of the robot (~$300) were too high for most families to afford.

Fantastic support from Povi's Facebook Groups

Our Facebook group named Emotional Intelligence for Kids have grown to over 3000 members then. This is the community that has been supporting Povi along the way. With active participation in many Facebook groups and talking to psychologists and teachers, reading tons of best selling parenting books on Amazon, and also working with my own children to figure out what's the 'root' of my issue, I realized that self regulation, time management, good vision and posture habits are all trying to correct the 'symptom'. The 'root' of my issues was I need to develop the connection with my own kids beyond "How's school?" "Did you do your homework?". I need to develop that habit that my kids want to share their deeper thoughts with me.

At the same time, with the help of many helpful parents online, I had conducted a successful survey that parents today are most concerned about social emotional development of their kids and they are looking for a better solution in. Our research shows that Social Emotional Learning in schools are showing results. But many parents believe that social emotional learning should happen at home.

So we created a Povi App that sends one question each day to parents. After we have signed up 1000 beta users on our app, I approached each and everyone of them to ask for feedback. Most of them thanked me for the expert designed questions. They found them really useful. However, they mentioned that it was weird to just ask the question, without any context. They found that they were having to come up with context before asking the question. This did not work for them. 

Additionally we learned that quite a few parents are writing their conversations with their kids into the journal but said that it would be much easier if we could just let them record the audio on the app. We found that how each child answers questions was very unique to them and extremely interesting. No wonder parents were telling us that they are learning a lot more about their kids using Povi's App questions.

Despite the positive feedback to the Povi App, we had the "context" issue to resolve. How do we provide the context so that our parents don't have to think hard to ask a thoughtful question? We talked to many psychologists, teachers and counselors. 

We learned a few key things from these final discussions:

1. Kids learn better with a physical object that they can hold and touch. 

2. Kids are much more open to discuss issues and emotions of others sometimes instead of their own issue directly.

3. We need to focus on specific age groups as kids' emotional need vary dramatically by age.

After much brainstorm, we decided on the following:

1. Focus on 3-8 years olds to build the habit of talking with parents about emotions, feelings and problem solving from preschool age. 

2. Context for questions should be built around stories. Not just normal stories but real life stories that kids experience in their daily lives. 

3. The physical form should take the form of hug-gable plush toy because that feels warm.

That's how Povi The Storytelling Buddy with the Emotional Intelligence Content Platform was born.

We take all the features that our users like in the Povi Family Connect app, marry that with a well-designed talking plush toy, and open our platform to content providers who have lots of experience with kids to help us bring more real life stories into parent-child thoughtful conversation.

We have iterated multiple times with the plush toy design; have tested our designs with over 300 parents and kids in person and 500 parents online. See the family of Povi we have made!

 

The yellow big eye Povi won the user test! And that's how Povi looks like today.

Robot is COOL, but Povi is WARM!

In the beginning, I had thought that the solution would be a really smart robot with computer vision and voice recognition capabilities that would get kids to open up. But a lot of user research and my gut feel made me question whether interacting with another digital device or robot was the solution. No, I want my kids to talk to me, interact with me and connect and share human emotions.

That's why Povi is cuddly, furry and soft and he speaks like another child!

There are still many features we want to add to Povi, our app and the content platform, including messaging to consult expert teachers and psychologists on the platform.


Our plan is to make 5000 Povi and sell them on Kickstarter on May 24th. Please help me make Povi a reality. Support us on Kickstarter. http://www.povi.me/waitlist.html

Written by The Povi Team

P.S.: Seow Lim was joined in her mission for EI by a bunch of us who are inspired by her. She took a personal parenting challenge and actually created a product to help solve this. And what's more this is a problem that is so relevant today where a lot of us parents are so busy and our kids are precariously digitally inclined.

We are seasoned psychologists, counsellors, software engineers, a creative designer, a journalist, a user research specialist and toy industry veterans and we are hoping you will love Povi and Povi's mission as much as we do!

Povi has its own Instagram! Please help us to pick your favorite buddy.

Would you like to follow Povi's adventures? It's easy: Follow him on Instagram. As part of our campaign to launch our new interactive smart story-telling toy, Povi will be traveling to far away lands and to everyday places. We also would be delighted if you can share with us which of the Povi models you prefer. For that you can also visit our POVI page at Facebook or our Instagram page below. We have three options for how Povi will look. You can help us decide by picking the one you (or your child) prefers here.

How would the world be without books? Povi loves to read out loud.

A photo posted by Povi Buddy (@povi_me) on Jan 13, 2016 at 5:47pm PST

Survey Result Redefines Parents and Children Quality Time

By Mallika Sankaran*

These are the results from our “100 Moms” Survey on Quality-time, Conversation and EQ.
The good news: moms and kids are playing and talking, a lot! Half of the moms surveyed tell us that they spend 2 or more  hours of quality time with their kids every day! Despite the fact that over two-thirds of our sample are moms employed outside the home.

These were parents (mainly moms) from across Facebook’s diverse parenting groups, including our discussion group Emotional Intelligence for Kids, where we asked them questions to help us understand how parents are thinking about developing their childrens’ emotional intelligence. We’ll share the rest of the results with you over the next few weeks.
Moms’ top three choices for ‘quality time’:

• Playing together – 93%
• Chatting with their kids – 87%
• Reading together – 83%

I was very surprised by the amount of quality time reported. 2 or more hours a day, when parents are are busy and stretched, that’s a lot of time. My kids are older now but I tried to think back to when they were younger and how I spent time with them. Our favorite activities were: going to the park (we checked out a lot of parks for the novelty of their play structures!) and reading at bedtime (our favorites were Bernstein Bears, Rainbow Fish and Teddy Bears Picnic.  By the way, the first two were great books for our discussing social-emotional issues. We also did a lot of building together activities. like Lego, race cars and tracks and trains.

For me now, quality time with my 15 year old is mainly chatting in the car, eating dinner or watching TV together. I count TV time as quality-time because we take turns picking the shows and chat while we watch – right now we are watching Season 2 of Gilmore Girls.

Please share with us what you do for quality time, how much quality-time you manage to average per day and give us your suggestions of books and products. More next time!

*Mom, researcher and community builder

I would love to give you a heads-up that we will be running a Kickstarter campaign on Tue, May 24, 2016. We would greatly appreciate your help to be one of our early backers to make Povi a reality.

You can choose to back our project for your family, a school, your team members at work or even non-profits.

We would greatly appreciate you also sharing this important message with whom you know will benefit from joining our community!

Thank you very much! Do email me at mallika@povi.me to catch up anytime!

5 Reasons to Teach Kids to Say Thanks

By D.M.F, 8 years old.

By Anna M.


A few weeks ago I volunteered to be a chaperone in my oldest son's 5th grade science camp. During the day I would help the naturalist teach while making sure the group was safe and following instructions. At night I shared a cabin with 5 kids, doing my best to make sure they followed their shower schedule, brush their teeth and sleep enough. During the meals I was there too, again reassuring that they would wait for their time to eat, behave and clean their tables. Yes, I was exhausted and drained, and after 3 days I felt absolutely invisible. Last Friday I received many thank you notes from the kids I was caring for, which made me feel extremely grateful and rewarded. And that made me remember how powerful a "Thank You" can be.

So why is it so important to teach children to say thanks and, most importantly to be thankful?

1. Olya G., Professor in Community Psychology says: "It is important to me that my kids are not only polite, but that they also understand the importance of valuing people and things in their lives. I want them to be grateful for what they have and not take for granted the many privileges that they have".

2. "Saying thank you reinforces to children that no one owes them anything _ no one has to hold open the door for them, or pick up after them, or give them something just because they asked for it. These are all things that others do in large part out of their own sense of generosity, and children (and many adults!) should learn to appreciate that. Relatedly, this shows children that they are not better than  anyone or deserve something more than anyone else. They should be grateful for whatever they receive, no matter how small.", says Daphna Ram, POVI's Developmental Psychologist.

3. Malika R, Social and Communication specialist says: " I want my kids to be polite, humble and appreciative - that they need others in their lives to for some things (not just material) and they need to acknowledge that."

4. POVI"s CEO and Creator, Seow Lim explains: "I feel that it is important for our kids to be thankful of each level of needs that they are in, so that they can strive to be better. If they don't appreciate what they have, they take things for granted, they assume what they have is what they deserve, they won't strive to be better, and their level could deteriorate without them even realizing it.".

5. For me, being able to be thankful is just a way to be on the making of for a happier adulthood. It is a sound recognition that someone cares about you, so you also care in return. It entails sympathy, empathy and kindness. And that's why I always want to reinforce the absolute value of thanking people from opening doors to doing something awesome for you.  That's at least a way of promoting good communication of sentiments, and being able to share them can be the beginning of a fruitful conversation. 

* Anna M is POVI's Content Manager. She loves saying thanks and also receiving thank you notes. She wishes all who are celebrating today, a happy thanks giving. And thank you for being a reader!

5 Tips to Be a Better Parent before 8 AM

By D.M.F, 8 years old.

By Anna M.*

The hour that I fear most on week days is 7:45 AM. It's when I have to get my 8 and 10-years-old sons ready to go to school.

But there's more. I figured that my heart pounds faster (for the wrong reasons) all the times I have to make sure that they will get ready to go anywhere on time! From birthday parties to music classes... It's when motherhood kidnaps the best from me and transforms me into a monster mom and even a yelling woman on the verge of a neurotic breakdown. I am sure I am not alone. When I talk to other moms at school they all agree it's a tough time to be a parent.

Well, before I share my latest strategies to avoid the daily drama, I had to outline the reasons for my stress. The main one is the frustration of having to repeat the same thing over and over again. Really? I have to repeat every day that they need to eat breakfast, brush their teeth, etc etc etc. It kills me slowly up to when I totally lose my patience. So that's the first thing I have to solve. The second thing that drives me nuts is basically their easy way of getting distracted, either playing with the cats, talking about some new strategy on Minecraft or even about the weather! And the third is the fact they forget to put their snack into the backpack or something like that.

So, here are a few ideas I am developing to make this moment easier for our family:

Sharing the Reasons _ As I always tell other people, parents and educators can explain the reasons why we are asking the kids to follow instructions, so that each action has a deeper meaning. That said, I sat down with them when we were are tranquil and explained the reasons for each of the things they have to do before leaving home. As basic as why leaving their shoes close to the door will make your life easier, to why we brush our teeth before leaving for school.

To Do Lists _ We wrote down a list of things to do before the morning after. Such as picking the clothes to wear and organizing homework in the backpack. That is helping them to  organize their mind and be aware of smart time management. If I get to solve this and be consistent, maybe I will be able to eliminate one more angle of our morning drama.

Menu Planning _ I found that my boys like predictability. So I am working on a weekly planning for their school lunch, so they know what to expect. Once they prefer to bring lunch from home, as opposed to eat from the cafeteria, they are keen on sharing their opinion and wishes. But they also know that if I am working on that morning it might be difficult to make everything ready, so they might have to cope and eat an "emergency" lunch at the cafeteria.

Empathy _That's probably the hardest one. I remembered when I was a 10 year old trying to figure how to be efficient and catch the bus school on time. I remembered that wearing a uniform helped a lot, so I just had to ask for my mom to have everything ready and clean. But then there were all other things: homework in the bag, etc etc.  The main thing was not to get distracted by something which would make me loose track of time. So I have to remember everyday that children sometimes have other interests and might be easily distracted. Even my boys...

It's all about love _ Kissing them goodbye, hugging them and being warm. That's by far the best part of my morning: They feel appreciated and it gets easy to find that all I do is because I love them and want them to grow up being able to manage their schedule, because that will make their life easy.

* Anna Muggiati is a mom of 2 boys. She's energetic, but not a morning person. She is a journalist, chef and currently POVI's Content Manager. She cares about the environment and loves cooking, and extends her advocacy to EQ. She joined Povi mission to develop better conversation for families for the social good; also help admin the EQ for kids group at Facebook.

I would love to give you a heads-up that we will be running a Kickstarter campaign on Tue, May 24, 2016. We would greatly appreciate your help to be one of our early backers to make Povi a reality.

You can choose to back our project for your family, a school, your team members at work or even non-profits.

We would greatly appreciate you also sharing this important message with whom you know will benefit from joining our community!

Thank you very much! Do email me at anna@povi.me to catch up anytime!

8 Ways to Succeed on Positive Conversations With Children

By Seow Lim*

Conversation is a personal connection. It is how we share ideas and learn from one another. It requires listening and talking in equal degree. We would benefit from having an open mind when we interact and talk to children, and also be prepared to show empathy. Kids want to be heard. To listen to them - really listen- and be able to understand their needs and concerns.

Here at POVI, we want to constantly encourage our kids in our daily conversation. That's how we help them to develop their self-esteem. Development of self-esteem needs to start very early in life. We also want to teach them that success comes from effort and persistence. We want to give our kids the opportunity to try, fail, try again, fail again, and then finally succeed. They can also develop ideas about their own capabilities. While they are learning fro trial and error, they're creating a self-concept based on interactions with other people, including us. Hence, making sure that we are giving our kids the opportunities to develop such self-perception regularly is also key to their development.

The way that I would like to approach this topic of how to use positive conversations to encourage our kids is through examples. All questions are elaborated by our Developmental Psychology PhD Daphna Ram, and are part of POVI Family Connect app.

The Orange Case (Scenario 1):

"What fruit do you think is really weird?" ( Question for Development skill: critical thinking. Age: <5 or 5-10)

"Oranges"

Parent Response A:

"What? Oranges are so common. They are not weird at all. Find something more special."

This answer discourages children from thinking critically. It also is likely to end the conversation rather than promote more conversation and exchange of ideas between parent and child.

Parents Response B:

"Your idea is interesting. Why do you think it is weird?"

Kid might say:

"Because the skin has tiny holes in it. Sometimes it is rough, and sometimes it is smooth."

The discussion can go on:  "I agree; why didn't I think of that? I thought 'durian' is really weird. Do you know what it is? Do you want to know?"

This example illustrates how one can use the questions as a springboard for further conversation and promoting curiosity. This encourages your child to constantly be seeking new knowledge and asking questions.

Flying to the Sun Case (Scenario #2)

"Where would you want to go if we go could go anywhere at all today?" (Development skill: Imagination/Creativity. Age: <5 or 5-10)

"I want to take a rocket and fly to the Sun", says child.

Parents Response A: 

"That's not possible. You are going to melt before you arrive to the Sun. Answer my question properly. Pick some place on earth", says parent.

Though the response is accurate, this answer discourages child’s creativity and may prevent him/her from sharing creative answers with you in the future.

Parents Response B:

"Wow! That's very far that you are planning to go. Further than I had imagined. Why do you want to fly to the Sun?" _ Parent replies to child's answer.

"Because I want to build a big solar panel in space close to the Sun so that we can generate all the electricity we need on earth with it."

Perhaps parents might say something like:

"That's really creative. You have made me think of things in a completely new way. But isn't the Sun really hot? How are you going to prevent the rocket and the solar panel from melting?"

This is another example illustrating how to use these questions as a springboard for further conversation. This shows the child that you are interested in his ideas. Furthermore, continuing the conversation may also promote other skills in your child; in this example, asking the child how he will prevent the solar panel from melting promotes critical thinking.  

The Bee Scenario (Case #3)

What is something nice you did today? (Development skill: Altruism. Age: all ages)

Kid says:

"I helped my friend chase bees away by throwing soccer ball at them."

Parents Response A:

"Why did you do that? Don't you know that bees sting? That's dangerous. Don't ever do that again."

The child in this example seems excited about how he helped his friend. This particular parent response overlooks the child’s positive intention.

Parents Response B:

"You are a good friend.  I am proud of you. I have heard that bees sting though. How did you prevent the bees from chasing you back? They are good for the environment though..."

"We threw the ball and we ran really fast in the other direction.", says child.

"But what about other kids in the playground. They might not know that bees might come chasing?"

"You are right. I didn't think of that. I should have told everyone to run as fast as they can."

"Yeah, maybe that’s something to think about next time. But it’s good you helped your friend. You know, even though bees sting they actually do a lot!"

This response can also further promote conversation and educate your child about different aspects of the world.

Lonely Recess Time Case (Scenario #4) 

"Where do you usually play at recess?" ( Recommended for Development skill: Social Convention. Age: all)

"I don't play with anyone. I do all my homework at recess.", kid answers.

Parents Response A: 

"Why are you such a loner? You need to go make some new friends."

Parents could use this opportunity to find out if there's a reason that he is not playing with anyone at recess and is doing his homework instead.

Parents Response B:

"I always enjoy your company. I am sure your friends do too. Why are you not playing with them anymore?"

"Friend Z has ganged up with other kids to bully me. They tease me all the time. I rather be by myself than to be teased." answers child.

"I am so glad that you have told me. I wished you had told me about this earlier. I will do my best to keep you safe, anytime anywhere. Would you want to tell me more about the situation in school?", replies parent.

Hopefully, with responses like these, the child will eventually feel that he can trust the parents and will begin to understand that he/she truly want to help him solve his issues. 

Freed the Sadness (Scenario # 5) 

"Do you think this is an appropriate amount of time for someone to be sad when something bad happens to them?"(Development skill: Emotion recognition. Age: Teen)

"Yes, when my best friend got into an accident, I just kept crying and crying. I didn't know if she was going to recover. I was sad the whole time until she got out of the hospital and got back to school.", kid answers.

Parents Response A:  "She is well now. Back to school. No need to be sad anymore."

This response would cut off the conversation about your child’s feelings.

Parents Response B: 

" I know. You were really sad at that time. I had to comfort you a lot but I didn't have a chance to really talk about how you truly felt at that time since you didn't even want to talk."

"I felt like my world was going to end. This person who truly understands me was going to disappear from my life and I was going to be left all alone. I was so scared.", says kid.

"Yes, that's truly scary. I am always here, always by your side at times like this.  I felt your sadness. I am happy to talk with you.
 I am glad that you have handled it really well", parent replies.

Parents are connecting with their child emotionally by listening to her discuss her emotions. Hopefully she will begin coming to you in the future when she is having emotional issues.


Baby Talk Case (Scenario #6)

"What do you think young kids/ babies talk about? (For developmental area: Perspective taking. Age: 5-10, teen)

"Babies say I am hungry, I want milk. Young kids talk about their toys and games. They don't have to go to school, how lucky.", he/she says.

Parent Response A: 

"You are lucky that you get to go to school. Look at those kids who don't have the opportunity to learn."

It is good to make kids be thankful of how lucky they are and not always take things for granted, but this response takes away from the point of the question; to have your child take someone else’s perspective.

Parent Response B: 

"Yes, babies and younger kids spend more time sleeping and playing because that's their phase of growing up. I see you working and learning every day."

This response encourages perspective taking and how they may be different from others. 


The Self-Care Case (Scenario #7)

"Why is it important to take care of yourself so that you can be good to others? (Developmental area: Self esteem. Age: 5-10, teen)

Kid response: "I want to take good care of myself so that I don't get sick. Then you don't have to get tired taking care of me."

Parent Response A: 

"That's great to hear. You don't want to get sick so that you won't miss any important classes or tests."

This too dismisses the main point of the question; having your child think about themselves in relation to others. This also may make your child think that you think classes more important than health. 

Response B:

"I love you, I want to take care of you when you are sick. I am so glad that you care so much about me. Like I always tell you, my world is so beautiful because of you."

I rather take this opportunity to thank my kid for wanting to take care of me. Encouraging his values of taking care of his family. Letting him know that how much I love him and will always be there for him. He can feel my love, and I boost his self esteem that he can also take care of me in return.

Teacher's Talk (Case #8)

"Of your teachers who do you think cares the most about the students? Why?" (Development skill: Perception of others. Age: Teen)

"I think Teacher X really care most about the students. She invites us to her classroom during lunch time. We are free to share our problems with her. She often wants to help us in anyway she can. I do go and talk to her once in a while and talk to her."

Parent's Reaction A:

"If you have problem, you should tell me your mom. Not your teacher. She is not your family. I am."

This may be somewhat discouraging to your child as teens sometimes simply have issues that they don't feel comfortable discussing with their parents. In that regard, it’s probably good that the teen is talking to the teacher. 

Parent's Reaction B:

 "That's really nice of her. I am so glad that you are sharing your thoughts with her, and she has been helpful. I am always here to lend you my hands or ears if you like to discuss with me. I trust that you are asking for the right help at the right time."

This response is more encouraging. For their emotional well-being, we should support our kids to seek help from the people they trust, yet also allowing them to feel that we are these to listen and share their worries.

Having conversations with kids can be really fun. Especially in the process we get to discover their curiosity, creativity, fear, opinion, their pride, our kids are like 'diamonds in the sand', we got to discover them. Or 'onions' that we need to peel. Lots of fun in such discovery.

*Lim is Povi CEO whom through hard way has realized the importance of positive conversation w kids : her story can be read on this post here.

I would love to give you a heads-up that we will be running a Kickstarter campaign on Tue, May 24, 2016. We would greatly appreciate your help to be one of our early backers to make Povi a reality.

You can choose to back our project for your family, a school, your team members at work or even non-profits.

We would greatly appreciate you also sharing this important message with whom you know will benefit from joining our community!

Thank you very much! Do email me at seowlim@povi.me to catch up anytime!

Raising A Resilient Child

Photo from Trish's personal archives

By Trish Shaffer*

Have you ever met someone who is always positive and sees the glass “half full?” No matter the challenge or adversity, he or she always seems to be able to rise again and succeed. Are these people just lucky? Born with an innate gift of optimism or special genetic trait? Believe it or not, resiliency is a skill, not a gift. The true gift is that we, as parents, can teach our children the skills need to get back up each and every time they fall down by making some simple changes to the words we use and what we praise can help our children have the skills.

First, helping your child develop the outlook that opportunities are skill based, not talent based, is known in the scholarly literature as a “Growth Mindset”. The concept of a Growth Mindset has been made famous by Stanford University professor, Dr. Carol Dweck . Essentially, Dweck identifies there are primarily two types of people; those who have a fixed mindset and those who have a growth mindset.

People in a fixed mindset believe their basic qualities, like intelligence or talent, are simply fixed traits. For example, if you asked a person with a fixed mindset to run a 10k with you in three months, their response might be, “I can’t do that – I’ve never a runner.” If asked to tackle a new challenge professionally that required higher levels of management, “I don’t think I am right for that position. I’m not a natural leader or a type A person”.

Conversely, people with a growth mindset, believe that even their most abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work—brains and talent are just the starting point. This view creates a love of learning and a resilience that is essential for great accomplishment. So, asked the same questions, the answer may be – “You know, I’ve never run a 10k. What does the training schedule look like and when should I start?” or “Taking on higher levels of management will be a new challenge for me. Who has been successful at this in our company and how do I get an appointment with him/her?”

The good news is that we can all go from a fixed to a growth mindset; and even better news for parents is that we are able to foster a growth mindset in children by using some very simple strategies.

First, a very powerful three letter word can change everything for your child. YET. A common scene for parents might be hearing your child struggle with homework, “I can’t do this! It’s too hard.” Help them by rephrasing, “You can’t do this YET, but we will work hard together until you understand it.” You can even start using the word yourself. Just this past weekend, I had the “opportunity” to fix a broken sprinkler head. When my seven year-old son heard me muttering to myself something like, “Oh great! I have no idea even where to begin! I am not handy or a landscaper!” he quickly replied, “Mom! You don’t know how to fix it YET, but I bet you can figure it out.” Such a valuable reminder that little ones often mirror our attitudes, what we say, and how we respond to challenges and adversity. You can see Dr. Dweck explain the power of YET in this video here.

Another powerful, yet relatively simple way to help your child develop a growth mindset is in how and what you praise. When praising our children, most of us say things like “great job!” “Well done on finishing your homework!” or “It is likely is that we attach our praise to an outcome or the end game. “Way to go! You earned an “A” on your test!” “You did great! Congratulations on winning the game!” “You did it! Thank you for cleaning your room!”

What we might not realize is that we are praising the outcome, not the effort. And, by continually praising just the outcome, we are unintentionally setting our kids up for failure.
Think of it like this: If your entire life you are praised for how great you are in a particular area; you begin to identify yourself as being equivalent to that outcome. For example, if you are always the top scholar in your class, and are praised by adults all around for your academic accomplishments, you likely will identify yourself, and get much of your self-esteem from, your ability to achieve academically. It is expected by you and others that you will in the top percent in academics. But, what happens when you are accepted Harvard, amongst peers who are as smart or smarter, and end up in the bottom half of the class at Harvard? Are you a failure?

Children who are not prepared to accept they may not always succeed at first, or have the skills to cope when meeting adversity, may experience irreparable damage, thoughts of suicide, engagement in risky behaviors, or at best, failure to succeed in many aspects of their lives. There are many well-recognized studies on this phenomenon, including Paul Tough’s book, “How Children Succeed.”

To encourage a growth mindset, or to raise children who will get up every time they are knocked down, we need to praise the process, not the outcome. By praising the effort needed, or steps taken, to achieve the outcome, we can help our children understand that it is the effort that results in success. More importantly, give our children the skills to accept and try again when they first do not meet their expectations. Teaching them that when they try and are not met with immediate success, that does not equate to failure, it is a lesson that only informs next moves along the path of achievement. And, when they do succeed, it is not the result of some innate talent, but rather the process that brought them to the success. The effort and steps taken to meet their goals. Watch the video capturing Dr. Dweck’s research on praise.

Our greatest gifts to our children are not ensuring they succeed at everything they attempt or saving to get them into the best school, it is ensuring no matter where their path leads, they have the skills to stand up each and every time they are knocked down.

*From Povi team: we tirelessly make Povi family connect app (link to App store and Google Play) available to parents, families and friends because we believe that there is nothing more important than cultivating wholesome, happy and successful children. Love to have you signed up as beta users. 

 *Our guest blogger Trish Shaffer is a strong voice and leadership of Social and Emotional Learning (SEL) in the Nevada community. She is a mom of two boys and loves to spend (lots of) time with her family and enjoys all types of outdoor activities. She recently received the Mary Utne O’Brien Award for Excellence in Expanding the Evidence-Based Practice of Social and Emotional Learning (SEL) from the CASEL/NoVo Collaborating Districts at the 2013 CASEL Forum in Chicago. Trish is the Coordinator for Multi-Tiered System of Supports (MTSS) for the Washoe County School District (WCSD).   -

See more at: http://www.tedxuniversityofnevada.org/portfolio-item/trisha-shaffer/#sthash.s7r9dVhA.dpuf

Povi team also support the facebook group Emotional Intelligence for Kids. Join our community.

We would love to give you a heads-up that we will be running a Kickstarter campaign on Tue, May 24, 2016. We would greatly appreciate your help to be one of our early backers to make Povi a reality.

You can choose to back our project for your family, a school, your team members at work or even non-profits.

We would greatly appreciate you also sharing this important message with whom you know will benefit from joining our community!

Thank you very much! Do email me at seowlim@povi.me to catch up anytime!