Nightcap: Our Forever Books

Once upon a time a Chicka Chicka Boom Boom!

By Mallika S *

While taking the train down the peninsula from San Francisco, we passed San Carlos where I’d lived for many years when my kids were much younger. Looking out of the train window, the view of the familiar hills in the evening light evoked a feeling of time gone by and surprisingly a sense of dread.

I was carried back to those years as a mom of young kids, when I would commute back from work in San Francisco and disembark every weekday evening to this view of the hills and begin worrying about the long list of things to be accomplished between then and bed-time. Rush to pick kids up from daycare, wonder what to make for dinner, discuss what happened at school and why, help with homework challenges, sibling arguments and then bath and bed. This and more is what working moms do every weekday evening.

What brightened those busy evenings were two treats. First, we'd always stop at a local park, even if for just ten minutes. We covered all the parks in our area, experiencing the novelties each had to offer in the form of playmates, play structures, parents and pets. Writing this makes me want to visit them all again. The second treat was cuddling up with a book, or many of them, which is what this post is really about.

Reading together was always a great way to end the day and since reading was as much a treat for me as for my kids, it was great fun to explore each new book and then decide if it was a 'keeper', that is   a book that is good to read over and over again. After the hurry-scurry of the day, after the lecturing and yelling (which I did in spades according to my now full-grown son), after the cooking and cleaning-up, this was our nightcap.

When I was a child, I had only a few books! I still remember the 3 books I owned when I was in elementary school, which I read hundreds of times: Sujata and the Elephant, which I loved so much, because of the idea of having a an elephant who never forgets you was such a romantic idea. The second was Alice in Wonderland. Its magical realism can still carry me away and the cake always looked delicious to a perpetually hungry kid in boarding school. Hollow Tree House, by Enid Blyton was a favorite in those days. This one about an orphan making her home in a hollow tree and being supplied with delicious food by two friends everyday, was something I wanted to experience myself!

As a parent, my kids and I read our favorite books many times over and some at least fifty times each.  I’m coming to our list of favorites, but I must caveat, that with the passage of time, some of these favorites may just not be the 100% wholesome books I thought they were.

I was particularly distressed that the Berenstain Bears, my ‘go-to’ resource for teaching social emotional skills like courage or caring, are actually under scrutiny for various subtle negative stereotypes and messages they convey. In the book NurtureShock the author writes, “the books and videos always ended on a happy note, with siblings learning to value and appreciate each other, but the first half of the stories portrayed in vivid detail the ways that children can fight, insult and devalue their siblings.”

In another study referenced in the same book, the author points out, “Essentially, Ostrov (a researcher) had just found that Arthur is more dangerous for children than Power Rangers.” And that’s essentially because we cannot predict whether the young viewer or reader will take his message away from the beginning, middle or end of the story!

Here’s to not over-reacting, however, and let’s not throw our favorites out of the window just yet. Let’s use these and other wonderful books – in their totality to help us discuss sensitive topics with our kids, the end goal being more emotional intelligence.

Another example of a good book gone bad in recent times is A Birthday Cake For George Washington, that Scholastic Publishing announced it was pulling from its catalog. The book raised a furor over how it portrays Washington's enslaved household help. It showed them as happy, smiling workers. Here’s what Jeremy Adam Smith who edits Greater Good science magazine at Berkeley had to say: “You know, I read those books aloud to my son. And I also felt ambushed by some of the racist imagery in the books, which nobody had done anything to prepare me for. You know, what I did was I closed the book, and I said - how do you think it would make you feel if you were black and you were reading this? And we talked about that. And this was a lesson - I think I - we had this conversation when my son was about 7 years old. A lot of it went over his head. However, it was the beginning of a discussion that continues to this day, as he approaches 12 years old.”

Conversation accompanies reading books. If books capture the true spirit of our lives, then books must capture the negatives we confront in our lives. Isn't it our responsibility as parents to guide these conversations to help our children confront, absorb and synthesize messages – positive and negative - and to help them be shaped by the discussion around these messages.

Here’s to books and reading and snuggling down. These are our favorites - our “forever books". Loved because they carried us to worlds of fun, adventure or thoughtfulness, many with animal companions who spoke in kind and gentle voices.


FUN

Goodnight Moon by Margaret Wise Brown

The Diggingest Dog by Al Perkins and Eric Gurney

Chicka Chicka Boom Boom by Bill Martin Jr. and John Archambault

Kipper’s Birthday by Mick Inkpen

If You Give a Mouse a Cookie By Laura Joffe Numerous and Felicia Bond

The Teddy Bears Picnic (first published in 1907!) by Jimmy Kennedy and Alexandra Day

Tiki Tiki Tembo by Arlene Mosel and Blair Lent

Where’s Julius? by John Burningham

Where the Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendak

Barnyard Dance by Sandra Boynton

Mr. Brown Can Moo, Can You? by Dr. Seuss

We’re Going on a Bear Hunt by Helen Oxenbury and Michael Rosen


LIFE LESSONS

Rainbow Fish by Marcus Pfizer and J. Alison James

Dog Heaven by Cynthia Rylant

Berenstain Bears by Jan and Mike Berenstain

Patchwork Elephant by David McKee

Grimms Fairy Tales by Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm

A Bell for Ursli by Celina Chonz and Alois Carigiet

Curious George by Margret and H.A. Rey

The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein

Oh, the Places You’ll Go by Dr. Seuss

The Polar Express by Chris Van Allsburg

* Mallika is an experienced parent who's still learning.

Please LIKE POVI on facebook and also join us at Emotional Intelligence for kids group.

I would love to give you a heads-up that we will be running a Kickstarter campaign on Tue, May 24, 2016. We would greatly appreciate your help to be one of our early backers to make Povi a reality.

You can choose to back our project for your family, a school, your team members at work or even non-profits.

We would greatly appreciate you also sharing this important message with whom you know will benefit from joining our community!

Thank you very much! Do email me at mallika@povi.me to catch up anytime!

Valentines or Not? That's the Question

By Anna M.

Tomorrow, by this time, both of my boys will probably come home with a package full of Valentine's cards and candies. It's a curious and fragile moment. They might be surprised about some demonstration of affection as they will also probably be resentful if there's a card missing, from someone they really care for. I suffer with them. It hurts not to be appreciated or to have to show that you like someone you barely know. And that, for me, poses the whole dilemma of Valentines cards and all the emotions involved in the activity, specially for kids.

The drama, though, is triggered days before the event. They share some excitement and some frustration about the whole process of writing cards or compliment hearts. Mostly because as the school instructs, if they decide to send cards, it has to be to all their classmates.  Because of that my 5th grader 11-years old decided not to deliver any. His idea is simple: "Nobody really minds mom, because we can't possibly give candy to everybody and it really doesn't mean anything", he says. I have my doubts that he is totally aloof. But then, it's on my call to respect his point.

As they learn in 2nd and 3rd grade, the date is an opportunity to share friendship and acknowledge the bright side of each of their colleagues. It's when they normally would call for my help: "Mom, how can I say something nice to someone I don't like"?, asks the 9 years old. I am always puzzled. But as a sensible and responsible parent I choose to support the school's strategy: "There has to be something that you like in that person. Just relax and think about that". So, few day ago, I saw him writing compliment hearts with very creative stuff. Something like "Dear friend, I really like your handwriting", or "You play soccer so well".

For me it's always a learning curve. Sharing the way you feel about someone (not spontaneously) is something I culturally don't understand. On the other hand, looking at the bright side of any personality certainly is a positive teaching. I feel like when practicing that emotion sharing, you open new perceptions on how to accept people's diverse personality and observe them closely. I like the fact that my younger kid had a chance of thinking about each of his classmates, in a moment of reflection.

But my 11 years old is not a believer: "I think that, for a kid in elementary school, Valentine's Day is just a commercial stunt to sell candy and other useless junk. If you really like someone, buy something that is meaningful to them and hand-deliver it to them.".  That said (he personally wrote this), I am grateful that this are his ideas. I hope that his best friends share the same vision.


*Anna is Povi's Content Manager, a chef and a journalist.

I would love to give you a heads-up that we will be running a Kickstarter campaign on Tue, May 24, 2016. We would greatly appreciate your help to be one of our early backers to make Povi a reality.

You can choose to back our project for your family, a school, your team members at work or even non-profits.

We would greatly appreciate you also sharing this important message with whom you know will benefit from joining our community!









         

Real Stories Inspire Povi Conversations

By Povi Content Lab*

Few weeks ago we launched Povi's Partner Program inviting parents, educators and specialists to make part of our team of story-tellers to write conversation starters for our new content project. The campaign brought some beautiful stories which we are going to share here. They mirror our goal, to bring better conversations to families.

We first would like to introduce you to one piece written by one of our new partners,  who is a proud advocate of dialogues and well spent time with his son. We hope this story will also inspire you to make part of our program or to collaborate to our blog.

The Day My Son Discovered How Much I Love Him

By Clark

I  like to say I'm a good dad, and strive daily to be a great dad. The wonderful memories of my son when he was a baby boy are just that, just pictures that I have carefully archived in my backed -up hard drive in my safe deposit box. He is now 10 years old and I'm slowly seeing a shift in his attitude and dependency and have realized it is the inevitable.

As many have said to me, "don't you wish they were still a baby?" And I do, at times, wish he was just a small child wanting to be with his parents because his parents kept him clean, played with him and fed him whenever he wanted to eat. But I know he must mature into the fine young man that I've prepared him for. And there lays the predicament. As parents, (and similar to technology), change is hard to adapt and if you don't adapt, you tend to get lost in what and who you are.

Five years ago, I wrote a list of goals for me as a Dad. I posted this list in my office in front of the computer. A few days ago, while arguing with my son over the simplest mundane things and after things cooled down, I asked him to read this list in my office. Firstly, of the hundreds, if not thousands, of times he's been in my office, he admitted to never seeing this list. He read goal number one:

SPEND MORE TIME WITH MY SON AND FORGET MY OWN ACTIVITES.

Now, I won't tell you what the other goals are just yet.

Why? Because after reading this first line, my son cried so hard that any and all our past arguments were turned into a shared love that I cannot describe. The empathy he portrayed made me realize that although I missed his "baby years," I am still building his foundation to become a good, no, great person.

Right now, I am sitting in front of his old school and typing this story into my phone. A friend comes up to me as says hi. She has two adorable toddlers and for the millionth time, I say "enjoy it while they're young," and know exactly what it meant when I heard it when my son was a toddler."

I would love to give you a heads-up that we will be running a Kickstarter campaign on Tue, May 24, 2016. We would greatly appreciate your help to be one of our early backers to make Povi a reality.

You can choose to back our project for your family, a school, your team members at work or even non-profits.

We would greatly appreciate you also sharing this important message with whom you know will benefit from joining our community!

Thank you very much! Do email me at seowlim@povi.me to catch up anytime!